What's In A Name?

(Continuing the 30 Day Trans Challenge)

2) How did you choose your name, and what names were you thinking about using and why?
My full legal (and as far as I am concerned, my authentic gentile) name is Stephanie Alexis Rose Bonvissuto. This is not a far cry from the name I was given from birth, which is meaningful to me in so many ways. I am not trying to erase my past or re-imagine my pre-transition life. In much the way the caterpillar is important to the butterfly, I see my pre-transition self not as diametrically opposed to who I am today but an essential part of that evolution. As such, Stephanie Alexis (which I have been told is basically a stripper name, which is not nearly the insult to me I think the speaker meant it to be) reflects what I see as a natural progression.

(By the way, I am of the opinion that asking someone in transition what their "original/other/real" name is can be as offensive as asking to see a picture of them prior to transition. It taps into a lurid fascination society has with people in transition, framing them as fakes and frauds.) 

I did try on some other names - Sophie/Sophia, Jennifer, even Stephanie Ann - but none of these felt as a right fit for who I was, and who I was becoming. They were somehow off - a little too loose or a tad too tight. Stephanie Alexis enveloped me perfectly, as both an expression and a protection of who I am. (Sorry if this sounds too metaphysical; truth often is.)

Rose was an odd addition. I hadn't thought of adding yet another name (the lawyer who helped me with the name change groaned appreciatively when she saw it, complaining it wouldn't fit on the court-ordered paperwork.) I am not exactly sure when I decided on it, but I will always remember why. As cliched as it might sound, it is a poignant reminder for me to love myself, something I can be notoriously bad at. Additionally it is the name of my office manager at the job where I began my transition. Although we had a complicated and sometimes contentious work relationship, I respected her, especially how she juggled her emotions and intellect while occupying what could be one of the more thankless roles at the company.

Finally, Bonvissuto. It never occurred to me to change my last name, which I am told means "a life well lived" in Italian. It took me many years to make peace with that name and my Italian heritage. Once it stood for a whole host of Italian stereotypes I wished I could have escaped. Now I am calm with it and its message (and am privately loving the fact that it draws such naked curiosity in my adopted city of Boston, where so many people marvel over its syllables.)

Stephanie Alexis Rose Bonvissuto. Italian-American woman in transition, proud Reform Jew, undergrad double major, ex-pat NY-er, future professor and researcher, writer, activist, lover, friend, runner, beachcomber when time allows, midnight coffee-chatterer...

What's in a name? Apparently, everything.